In one of the early actions of the second Trump administration, billions of gallons of water were wasted.
For the pent-up gratification of one man.
Very literally, life-giving fluid was spilled onto barren soil.
In Genesis 38:9, Onan spilled his seed on the barren ground. This verse has been used to condemn masturbation for centuries. (A lengthy tangent could be written about whether masturbation was the sin, or failing to procreate, or directly disobeying a command from God; but that would be veering even further from the Bob Runs the Numbers turf than the already-tenuous statistical underpinnings of this episode so I’ll let someone else lead that conversation.)
There are a lot of stupid things the Trump administration has done, and it’s impossible to give each of them the contemplative criticism it deserves. It’s also part of the Trump strategy to do so many stupid things that many of them slide beneath the radar.
But let’s pick this one stupid thing. (It isn’t as inherently cruel as a bunch of the other stupid things, but it’s deeply stupid. And, yes, it’s a little bit cruel.) Let’s review the absurdity of the Trump Administration spilling 2.2 billion gallons of water fruitlessly, dishonestly, and spitefully in a way that didn’t help LA wildfires and didn’t help farmers.
Early 2025’s LA-area wildfires were catastrophic. California’s neighbors, the states of Washington, Oregon, New Mexico, Utah, and Idaho, and countries Mexico and Canada lent California firefighters, and these heroes joined California’s as they labored and triumphed in containing these devastating fires.
Among the many obstacles facing the firefighters was low water pressure in firefighting areas. (Fire hydrants designed to supply one or two houses at a time were supplying hundreds.) Physics dictates that volumetric flow rates depend on pipe diameters, and infrastructure that works fine in normal times can’t handle extraordinary emergencies.
But this reality of fluid dynamics wasn’t enough to prevent dishonest bootlickers from dishonestly licking boots. As long as there’s the opportunity to get in a dig at liberal California, physics doesn’t matter. Right-wing media piled on, blaming everything “liberal” from climate change mitigation and environmentalism to diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives.
Let’s take a breath and linger on that. Again, a deep dive is beyond the purview of Bob Runs the Numbers but … let’s acknowledge the absurdity … it will be hard for future generations to believe, but yes, the right wing noise machine was blaming DEI for wildfire fighting challenges.
Trump made myriad bullshit claims in myriad venues. Here is one example.
Trump bragged about spilling billions of gallons of water.
Trump lied that it would go to LA.
Trump lied that it would help LA fires.
Trump lied that farmers could use it.
And now farmers will be down 2.2 billion gallons when they need it later.
Driving through California’s Central Valley, you can’t miss all the signs blaming the state Democratic government for wasting water.
And California water rights have always been a very intricate balancing act. (Check out the movie Chinatown for an exploration of some of these issues, or Rango if you want a more kid-friendly version.)
But man. All those “Newsom / Stop Wasting / Our Dam Water” signs are going to need some serious updating this summer when agriculture needs the water that the Trump administration spilled.
This administration jerked off and wasted agriculture’s most precious fluid. If that’s not H₂Onanism I don’t know what is.